If anybody out there is reading this journal I would like to apologize for eating my words once again about the whole updating thing. It seems I tend to forget all this.

I have whole list of things I would like to complain. Simply cut it to as "My fucking life". I'm stuck inside these walls called home. STILL living with my parents, my little sis moved together with his boyfriend. Me, I'm still here, getting fed up with these people I call parents. My mum is driving me insane. She thinks I'm the sanest one in the whole family since my sister seems to be an alcoholic at the age of nineteen. She complains time after time about her how she wastes her life, ruining it totally and so on and I can't get the words out of my out to tell her to shut up. I can't listen anymore, I'm fed up, I totally am. Dad is still trying to say that my sister is going to get better, that she'll calm down now that she's living with her boyfriend and mum just complains, says it's not going to happen.

So she thinks I'm sane? After these year and half I've listened her complaints and moaning an yelling and all? I think not. I'm slowly being driven to insanity, to isolated insanity. And I can't get out, at least not a year. I hope it's not too late by the time. To me. For some months I've thought seeing someone, to talk someone who could help me with my messed mind. I've lost all joy of doing anything I used to enjoy. I can't write anymore, my writers block is stopping it. I stopped reading books because I can't concentrate to the text. But I know that if I'll go see someone in this fucking town by the end of the week every one I know of, every idiotic people I know, knows it and I can't be anywhere anymore. Not that I'll now be anywhere. Cooped up inside these walls without any company I would like.

I have no place to escape this madness. Last friend I had in this town moved out to other town and now I'm supposed to find new ones. How can I when everyone I know is somewhere else? Or they are the ones I don't ever want to see again?

How on earth I had group of friends and friends of friends and now I don't have anyone? It's like I'm unwanted company. Not that it surprises me. I felt like that even when we were at high school.

I hate this. I hate my so called life and if I could be somewhere else, could be someone else, I'd happily be. Could someone please take me out of Finland and take me to some other country?

How am I supposed to concentrate to anything that is important?